i'm still figuring it out: why i haven't uploaded, my identity, detransition, & where i'm at now
Eight years on T left me with irreversible changes and no way back. I’m learning to love the woman I am, but the permanent damage is real—transition isn’t always the answer.
نظرة عامة
After an eight-year medical transition, Jalisa realized she was simply a masculine woman, not a man. She now faces permanent physical changes and daily struggles to accept herself, urging viewers not to weaponize her story against trans people while she rebuilds self-love and reclaims her identity.
ملخص الفيديو الكامل
Jalisa opens the video by explaining why she has been absent from YouTube for over a year: the intense reaction to her 2022 detransition video made sitting in front of a camera feel difficult, turning something she once loved into a source of anxiety. She says she needs to “go backwards a little” so both old followers and newcomers can understand the journey that brought her here. Born and raised as a girl, Jalisa recalls always being a masculine child who preferred Tonka trucks and boy clothes, came out as liking girls at 14, and felt like “a spectacle” because no other girls around her looked or acted the same. Negative comments from peers’ parents and the lack of visible masculine women convinced her something was “wrong” with her, a belief that later collided with online transition narratives when she discovered a video of someone transitioning and thought, “oh, what up?” She emphasizes that many nuanced factors fed into her eventual decision to transition, but keeps the details brief, noting only that living as a trans man named Tyler felt right for eight full years. Toward the end of that period, however, “something clicked” and she realized she was “not a man trapped in a woman’s body—just a woman.” Jalisa stresses that this is her singular experience and explicitly forbids viewers from weaponizing her story against trans people: “Support trans people. I love trans people. Don’t fucking use my videos to try and tear down trans people.” Now in the aftermath of medical transition, Jalisa confronts the reality that there is “no going back”; the physical changes are permanent, and she is learning to “love and accept myself how I am today as the woman that I am today.” She describes daily struggles with self-validation, shame, and the exhaustion of having spent years “changing myself to be digestible to others.” Her central goal for the year is to stop shrinking herself to keep other people comfortable and instead source her validation internally, even if that means “making other people uncomfortable so that I can be comfortable.” Looking ahead, Jalisa wants to live the life “little me would be so fucking stoked about,” becoming the woman her younger self could never imagine being. She ends by saying she hopes to return to YouTube simply for the joy of it, “figuring it out in all forms” while moving forward in peace and self-love.