Overview

When a son or daughter announces a trans identity, or later begins to detransition (stopping or reversing a social or medical transition), many parents look for help and find two very different worlds. One is built around affirmation: the stated identity is accepted as correct and the family is helped to support a transition. The other is built around exploration: the distress is taken seriously, but its causes are looked at before any irreversible step. Each has its own therapists, parent groups, books and podcasts, and each tends to describe the other as harmful.

This page maps both, labels each organisation's orientation in its own words, and sets out ways to judge a therapist or group whichever way it leans. It also covers crisis lines and the strain parents carry themselves. It does not recommend any service. The site's own curated list is the detrans.ai support directory, which lists exploratory therapists, detransitioner peer groups by region and one programme for parents.

This page is part of the Parents and Families section. For the first conversations, see when a child says they are trans. For dealing with gender clinics, see clinics and clinicians.

What the support directory lists

The support directory is organised around gender exploratory therapy (GET): therapy that, in the directory's words, doesn't "rush to affirm and medicalise" but explores why someone feels as they do, with no fixed end point. It lists:

• Therapist directories: Just Therapy (an association whose members sign a code of conduct), Therapy First (a professional association of exploratory psychotherapists), Beyond Trans (therapists plus free online support groups, including groups for parents) and The Detrans Foundation (UK clinicians, including a family psychotherapist).
• Detransitioner peer support: the r/detrans community and its Discord server, and regional groups such as Detrans Help (US, serving worldwide, including family services), Resilience Health Network (US doctors helping people stop hormones), Detrans Alliance Canada, Detrans Hub (Australia and New Zealand), Post Trans (stories in nine languages), Detrans.fi (Finland) and Detrans Chile.
• For parents: a paid online course and community, ROGD Repair, made by a licensed marriage and family therapist. It teaches communication skills for parents who do not want to affirm.

The directory also explains how exploratory therapy differs from gay conversion therapy (attempts to change sexual orientation through shame or conditioning). The page on gender exploratory therapy covers that debate and its evidence in depth.

Types of support

Exploratory psychotherapy

Therapy for the young person is usually the first thing parents look for, and the first place they find the divide. Exploratory therapists treat gender distress like other distress, as something that arises in a context of trauma, sexuality, autism, body image, peer influence or family life. Psychotherapist Anastassis Spiliadis, who led family therapy at the Tavistock's youth gender service in London, described a "gender exploratory model" that aims at "slowing things down, opening things up" so a young person's identity can develop without being fixed too early (Spiliadis 2019).

Some detransitioners and desisters (people whose dysphoria resolved without medical transition) say an open-minded therapist was what helped most:

A therapist with an open mind was essential to me at his age. —kitsandkats, desister

Family therapy

Family therapy, also called systemic therapy, works with the whole family rather than one member. It looks at patterns of communication, conflict and expectation. England's 2024 independent review of youth gender services, the Cass Review, recommended standard psychological treatments for gender-related distress and co-occurring conditions, adding that "this should include support for parents/carers and siblings as appropriate" (Cass 2024).

Family therapy asks something of parents too, as one detransitioned woman told a parent:

Go to family therapy. Figure out how you can support your kid with the help of professionals. You may need to change, too. Things you’re doing might be contributing to her feelings. —purplebicycles, detrans female

A family session can also be a safer place for hard news. One woman planned her detransition announcement with her therapist:

I made a plan with my therapist to come out during a family therapy session, and it glad I did. I've always thought therapy or another controlled environment is the best place to come out of the closet or break any other news that might get a bad reaction from parents. —bahdeavn, detrans female

Parent peer groups

Parent groups have shaped this whole field. The oldest, PFLAG (originally Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), began in New York in 1972–73. Its founder, Jeanne Manford, marched beside her gay son after he was beaten at a protest (WBUR 2023). Britain's Mermaids began in 1995 as a group of parents. The exploratory side's groups came later and from the same impulse: Bayswater Support Group started in 2019 when three parents who met online arranged to meet in person (Bayswater Support Group), and the Gender Dysphoria Support Network began online in March 2020 (Beyond Trans).

Peer groups ease isolation, which parents in these accounts describe as one of the hardest parts. A desisted young woman described what her mother did:

she cried in her car and when she was alone with my dad but never in front of me, she didn’t stop me from dressing how i wanted or comment on it too much but wouldn’t affirm me. she also kept informing herself and talked to parents in the same situation. —Zealousideal_Fig4840, desisted female

Trans-identified people describe the same benefit from affirming groups:

My mom got a ton out of finding other parents of trans people. —anemisto, ftm

Detransitioner peer groups

Parents of a child who is detransitioning, or who is unsure, sometimes find the most useful voices are people who have been through it. In a survey of 237 detransitioners recruited from online communities, respondents said they needed to hear other detransitioners' experiences and to meet each other. Many also reported negative experiences with medical and mental health systems and with the LGBT+ community (Vandenbussche 2022). The support directory lists detransitioner-led groups by region. The page on supporting a detransitioning child covers that stage in detail.

Books, podcasts and video

Reading is often a parent's first step, and the choice of book can set the family's path. Parents should know which side of the debate a book comes from (see books for parents below). The site's video archive collects first-person detransition testimonies, and the study archive gathers the research with plain-language summaries.

How to evaluate a therapist

Few parents are trained clinicians, yet they are often the ones choosing a therapist. Commenters on r/detrans warn about therapists who simply cheerlead, and some are just as wary of religious or ideologically driven therapists who start from the opposite conclusion. A desisted man described what he sees as a training problem:

Therapists that specialize in gender are often taught in the trainings that make them feel specialized to be gender “yes men” who discourage exploration. —Hot-Range-7498, desisted male

A parent who is herself a therapist named a specific warning sign:

I was extremely upset when the therapist she was seeing just talked to us about affirming her gender identity and had no idea that she had been diagnosed with OCD. That would be a HUGE red flag for me (I'm a therapist too). —Difficult-Oil

Useful questions to ask any therapist, whatever their orientation:

The parent mentioned in the table described that exchange:

I asked her to show me the longitudinal studies. She said she’d send links. Crickets. Then I asked her to explain to me how she was trained to assess for and treat suicidality. Again, crickets. —PatchkaKnits, verified professional

Parents should also know about the law. Several countries and US states ban "conversion practices", and some bans cover gender identity as well as sexual orientation. Some commenters say these laws make therapists reluctant to explore at all. Others, including many affirming clinicians, see exploratory therapy itself as a form of conversion practice. Asking a therapist directly how they understand these laws will tell parents a good deal about how they work.

How to evaluate a support group

Groups differ as much as therapists. Some questions to ask:

• Who runs it? Parents, trained facilitators, clinicians, or detransitioners themselves? Is it independent or tied to a campaigning organisation?
• What is it for? Some groups exist mainly for mutual support. Others also campaign on schools, law or health policy. Both are legitimate, but they are different things.
• Can members disagree? A group that punishes doubt in either direction can deepen a parent's fear rather than ease it. The page on echo chambers describes how online groups can narrow thinking.
• Is it screened and private? Several groups vet members before admitting them, to protect families' privacy.

One detransitioned woman said she worried that an exploratory group would be "another ideological space," and was relieved by what she found:

there are people in that group from all different political viewpoints, they expect you to be polite and considerate but people are encouraged to sit with their discomfort on disagreements, instead of demand censorship. —NefariousnessLate375, detrans female

Not every experience is that positive, and people can value a service while disagreeing with the organisation behind it:

I'm not a fan of genspect either … But that being said I did get my therapist of the past two years through them and am thankful for that —chroma_src, detrans male

Organisations by orientation

The organisations below are described from their own websites, with notable criticism added. Orientation labels are this page's summary. Inclusion here is not a recommendation. Only those also listed on /support are suggested by this site.

Exploratory-oriented organisations

Genspect describes itself as an international organisation of "professionals, trans people, detransitioners, and parent groups who advocate a non-medicalised approach to gender diversity." It calls for the medicalisation of children to be prohibited (Genspect). Its support arm, Beyond Trans, grew out of the Gender Dysphoria Support Network that psychotherapist Stella O'Malley founded for parents in 2020. It now runs free online groups, including daily parent meetings and a monthly meeting for parents bereaved by suicide, alongside a directory of therapists who must offer exploratory rather than affirmative therapy (Beyond Trans; Genspect: Beyond Trans). Genspect says more than 5,000 parents and over 600 detransitioners have attended its groups (Genspect). Beyond Trans is listed on /support. Commenters describe applying for a grant that reimburses a therapist from the directory:

You can apply on their website for a grant where they will reimburse a therapist for you (there is a long list on the website, all are aware of detransition, transition etc) so it ends up being very low-cost. There are also Zoom support groups a few times a week. —detrans-throwaway7, detrans female

Bayswater Support Group is a UK group "strictly for parents and guardians" of young people who identify as trans or non-binary. It says it is "wary of medical solutions to gender dysphoria" and also works "to educate public bodies" (Bayswater Support Group). In written evidence to Parliament it reported that 250 families had sought its help in one year (UK Parliament). A 2024 investigation by The Bureau of Investigative Journalism examined its influence on government schools policy, drawing on posts from its private online forum (TBIJ 2024). Trans advocacy groups have accused it of encouraging coercive parenting (Trans Safety Network, advocacy source).

Transgender Trend, founded in the UK in 2015, says it advocates "an evidence-based social and clinical approach towards children who self-identify as transgender." It publishes guidance for schools and collects research for parents. It also campaigns on single-sex spaces and women's sport (Transgender Trend).

Therapy First, formerly the Gender Exploratory Therapy Association (GETA), is a professional association of mental health providers "who view psychotherapy as the appropriate first-line treatment for gender dysphoria" (Therapy First). Its therapist directory is listed on /support.

SEGM is a research non-profit rather than a support service. It says it promotes "evidence-based youth gender medicine through research, guideline analysis, systematic reviews, and support for non-invasive care" (SEGM). Parents mainly meet its work through its summaries of international evidence reviews.

In 2024 the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC), a US civil rights organisation, listed Genspect and SEGM as anti-LGBTQ+ groups in its annual extremism report (LGBTQ Nation 2024). Since then, England (after the Cass Review) and several other European health systems have adopted more cautious youth policies, broadly in line with what these groups advocate. The evidence reviews page covers those reviews.

Affirming-oriented organisations

PFLAG is the largest US organisation of its kind. It describes its mission as creating "a caring, just, and affirming world for LGBTQ+ people and those who love them" (GuideStar: PFLAG National). Its chapters run local and virtual meetings, including a monthly online community for parents of gender-diverse children (PFLAG). Its booklet Our Trans Loved Ones is a common first resource for families; one trans commenter called it "the classic booklet for giving to family" (PFLAG). Some trans commenters credit the meetings with changing parents' minds:

mom who says she accepts and then is fucking weird about it is something I def experienced, but it got better with time (and her going to PFLAG meetings) —Reasonable-Tutor-69, mtf

Some parents on r/detrans describe a very different first contact:

My husband and I called Pflag. They immediately, in the first 2 minutes of convo, launched into how to get this transition started talking about testosterone and top surgery... for a 14 year old who has never ever expressed that she wanted to be a boy. —sara7147, parent

Mermaids is a UK charity "supporting trans, non-binary and gender-diverse children, young people and their families since 1995," with a support line, local groups and residential family weekends (Mermaids). A Charity Commission inquiry found mismanagement in 2024. The Mermaids page covers it.

Gender Spectrum, a US organisation, runs a National Parent Support Group: a live online peer group for parents "raising transgender, non-binary or otherwise gender-expansive children and teens" (Gender Spectrum).

Why orientation matters

Each kind of group frames a parent's role differently. In affirming groups a good parent accepts the identity and helps the child transition safely. In exploratory groups a good parent holds steady, keeps the relationship and slows things down. Both frameworks bring relief, because both give a frightened parent a clear script. That relief is also the risk: a group can settle a parent's uncertainty before their child's situation is understood. One detransitioned woman summed up a middle path in six words, writing to a worried brother:

affirm their struggles without affirming their solutions. —windsorwagon, detrans female

Some detransitioners also warn parents against confrontation. A desister who was a teenager at the time recalled that what reached her was her mother's quiet doubt, not argument:

What made me doubt everything was my mum telling me that she "knew something else was behind all of this. That it just felt wrong. That she could feel that there was something else troubling me." —noano9913, desister

Books for parents

The table groups books by perspective. Publisher pages are linked in the references.

Reading across perspectives helps a parent see which claims are shared, which are contested and which rest on evidence. One detransitioned woman suggested Olohan's book for a mother struggling with guilt:

A recurring theme is how the parents of trans teens were emotionally coerced into consenting to treatment based on bad science and the fears created by misinformed professionals. I think your mom could get a lot out of this book. —Slow-Ad-2431, detrans female

Podcasts

Gender: A Wider Lens, hosted by therapists Stella O'Malley and Sasha Ayad, ran from 2020 to a finale episode in February 2025. It covered gender identity from an exploratory, psychological angle and often featured parents (Listen Notes). Its back catalogue is still recommended on r/detrans:

Listening to them has help ground me a little rather than being pulled further towards transition by so many other therapists and influencers who think the only treatment is transition. —Low_Copy4023

Crisis resources

The support directory is a list of therapy and peer support, not emergency services. Its only crisis link is Detrans Hub's crisis support page for Australia and New Zealand. If a young person, or a parent, is at immediate risk, call local emergency services. Free 24-hour crisis lines include:

• United States: call or text 988 (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) (SAMHSA)
• Canada: call or text 9-8-8 (Suicide Crisis Helpline) (CRTC)
• United Kingdom and Ireland: Samaritans on 116 123 (Samaritans Ireland)
• Australia: Lifeline on 13 11 14 (Lifeline)
• New Zealand: call or text 1737 (New Zealand Government)

General crisis lines are not tied to either side of the gender debate. Parents who want gender-specific support afterwards can use the services above. The page on suicide and transition explains what the research says about suicide risk. That matters because some commenters say fear of suicide drove their parents' decisions:

Your parents have been told repeatedly by organisations, medics and schools that if they don’t support you that you would have killed yourself. —Burned_toast_marmite, desisted female

Self-care for parents

Some parents describe neglecting themselves while trying to hold the family together. One mother described what that cost her:

I only realized I was depressed when my husband complained that I stopped showering and eating and cleaning/laundry and doing basic functional things.

We parents are human too. And this is really REALLY hard. —sara7147, parent

The strain usually has several parts. There is grief for the child a parent thought they knew, even though the child is still alive and present. There is fear, sharpened by being told that the wrong response could cost a life. There is guilt, whatever the parent decided. A detransitioned man noted how guilt can even stop parents from accepting a child's detransition:

I think some parents don't accept detransition because they think it makes them bad parents that lead their children down the wrong path by supporting them. —UniquelyDefined, detrans male

Practical steps parents describe include:

• Your own therapist. Individual therapy for a parent is separate from the child's. It gives the parent somewhere to put fear and anger that might otherwise spill into family conversations.
• A peer group. Talking to parents in the same position, of whichever orientation fits, eases isolation.
• Protecting the relationship. Shared activities, time outdoors and conversations that are not about gender keep the connection that many detransitioners later credit with their recovery (see healing and recovery).
• Partners and siblings. Couples often disagree about how to respond, and siblings can be overlooked. See partners and spouses and siblings.
• Limits on research. Reading late into the night, in either direction, can feed anxiety more than understanding.

A detransitioned woman, replying to a detransitioned mother, made a point that also applies to parents of trans-identified teenagers:

A child who is made to see a parent in such despair inevitably acquires challenges of their own. —yayasini, detrans female

Looking after yourself is not a distraction from helping your child. A calm, steady parent is one of the few resources still available when a teenager rejects every other kind of help. For parents' stories of how they coped, see parents' experiences. For the legal side, including disputes between separated parents, see custody and parental rights and schools and parents.

Related pages

• Parents and Families: section overview
• When a child says they are trans
• Clinics and clinicians
• Supporting a detransitioning child
• Gender exploratory therapy
• Healing and recovery
• Detransition healthcare

References

• Cass, H. (2024). Independent review of gender identity services for children and young people: Final report. study page, source.
• Spiliadis, A. (2019). Towards a gender exploratory model: Slowing things down, opening things up and exploring identity development. Metalogos. study page.
• Vandenbussche, E. (2022). Detransition-Related Needs and Support: A Cross-Sectional Online Survey. Journal of Homosexuality. study page, source.
• Genspect. Home page and position statement (advocacy organisation). genspect.org; Beyond Trans support groups, genspect.org/support/beyond-trans; "Beyond the Loneliness of Family Members", genspect.org.
• Beyond Trans. About us (advocacy/support organisation). beyondtrans.org.
• Bayswater Support Group. Home and About us (advocacy/support organisation). bayswatersupport.org.uk, about us.
• Bayswater Support Group. Written evidence GRA1508, UK Parliament Women and Equalities Committee. committees.parliament.uk.
• Baker, S. & Rocca, V. (2024, July 2). "The parents group at the centre of a rollback of trans rights". The Bureau of Investigative Journalism. thebureauinvestigates.com.
• Trans Safety Network. Post on Bayswater Support Group (trans advocacy source). transsafety.network.
• Transgender Trend. About us (advocacy organisation). transgendertrend.com.
• Therapy First. Home page (professional association). therapyfirst.org.
• Society for Evidence-Based Gender Medicine. About us. segm.org.
• LGBTQ Nation (2024, June). "Anti-trans organizations Genspect & SEGM are now listed as hate groups by the SPLC". lgbtqnation.com.
• PFLAG National. Mission (GuideStar profile), guidestar.org; Find a meeting, pflag.org/meetings; Our Trans Loved Ones, pflag.org (advocacy organisation).
• WBUR Here & Now (2023, June 5). "PFLAG and LGBTQ rights: How a mother's love for her gay son became a political force in the 1970s". wbur.org.
• Mermaids. Families (advocacy charity). mermaidsuk.org.uk.
• Gender Spectrum. Family programming (advocacy organisation). genderspectrum.org.
• Ayad, S., Marchiano, L. & O'Malley, S. (2023). When Kids Say They're Trans: A Guide for Thoughtful Parents. Swift Press. publisher page.
• Barnes, H. (2023). Time to Think: The Inside Story of the Collapse of the Tavistock's Gender Service for Children. Swift Press. review (Undark).
• Shrier, A. (2020). Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters. Regnery. publisher page.
• Olohan, M. M. (2024). Detrans: True Stories of Escaping the Gender Ideology Cult. Regnery. Bookshop.org listing.
• Brill, S. & Pepper, R. (2022). The Transgender Child: Revised & Updated Edition. Cleis Press. publisher page.
• Ehrensaft, D. (2016). The Gender Creative Child. The Experiment. publisher page.
• Gender: A Wider Lens (podcast, 2020–2025). episode listing.
• SAMHSA. 988 Frequently Asked Questions. samhsa.gov.
• CRTC. 9-8-8 number for mental health and suicide prevention support. crtc.gc.ca.
• Samaritans Ireland. Contact us. learn2listen.ie.
• Lifeline Australia. Our services. lifeline.org.au.
• New Zealand Government. "New support line is getting Kiwis talking". beehive.govt.nz.