Stunted by Transition | A Detrans Story
At 15 doctors called me an ‘ideal candidate’ for blockers. Five years later I woke up castrated, in chronic pain, still suicidal. The only thing that brought me back to life was the testosterone they swore was poison.
Overview
Kobe, a 20-year-old gay man, recounts how puberty blockers at 15 and estrogen at 16—approved after cursory screening—left him suicidally depressed, physically stunted, and chronically ill after an orchiectomy performed by a first-time gender surgeon. Only when he restarted low-dose testosterone did his energy, memory, and will to live return, convincing him he had been subjected to ‘medically assisted self-harm’. He now speaks out to warn other feminine gay boys that transition was sold as love while it delivered isolation, pain, and permanent loss of fertility.
Full Video Summary
Kobe, a 20-year-old gay man, describes how he spent his teenage years pursuing medical transition after being told it would cure his depression and gender dysphoria. Raised on the internet from the age of eight, he discovered trans YouTubers at 11 and quickly decided that becoming a woman was the only way to escape the bullying he faced as a flamboyant, feminine boy. Encouraged by online forums and older trans women he now identifies as autogynephilic, he came out first as non-binary at 13 and was referred to a gender clinic. At 15 he was implanted with the puberty-blocking drug Lupron ($47,000 every two years, covered by insurance) and at 16 began estrogen. He recalls that clinicians asked only superficial questions—“How long have you felt like a girl?”—and never explored trauma or internalized homophobia. Despite being labeled an “ideal candidate,” Kobe says the blockers plunged him into a five-year fog of suicidality, self-harm, eating disorders and hospitalizations while doctors insisted his misery was proof he needed more transition, not less. After a recent bilateral orchiectomy—performed by a urologist who had never before done gender surgery—Kobe woke up feeling “mutilated” and still suicidal. The operation left him with chronic pain, urinary problems, and the permanent loss of fertility. Within days of starting low-dose testosterone gel (prescribed by a different doctor), he says his energy, memory and will to live returned, convincing him he had been “medically assisted in harming” himself. He stopped estrogen, cut his long hair, bought men’s clothes and joined an online support group of detrans men led by Richie. Kobe now plans to document his physical recovery on YouTube, noting that no clinical research exists on reversing childhood puberty suppression and that his bones, voice and overall stature remain stunted. He speaks openly about the grief of never knowing what his adult male body would have looked like and the challenge of building adult male friendships after years of self-isolation and misandry. Kobe’s decision to speak publicly has already drawn vitriol from all sides: trans activists telling him to retransition or die, radical feminists insisting he never looked female, and right-wing commenters mocking his appearance. He says he is willing to endure the backlash if it deters even one feminine gay boy from repeating his path. Looking ahead, he wants to study biology, hit the gym once his testosterone levels stabilize, and work with a male therapist to process the trauma. For now, he is focused on “just being a man” without trying to perform an exaggerated masculinity, taking life “one day at a time” while sharing his story so that other detrans males know they are not alone.