What internalised homophobia means

Internalised homophobia (also called internalised homonegativity) refers to the shame, disgust, or self-hatred a same-sex attracted person absorbs from a homophobic culture — and then directs at themselves. It can make being gay or lesbian feel unbearable, and in some cases, it can make transition seem like a way out.

The logic runs like this: if being a lesbian is shameful, then being a straight man is not. If being a feminine gay man invites ridicule, then being a woman might not. Transition becomes a solution to a problem that is actually about sexuality, not gender.

This is one of the most common themes in detransition accounts — particularly among women who later came out as lesbians, and men who later accepted being gay.

What detransitioners describe

Women who realised they were lesbian

I didn't start questioning my gender until I was around 16. I was growing up in a homophobic household and had been hiding a lesbian relationship, until that partner of over 1 year told me "she wasn't gay, I was just special" and our relationship eventually crumbled. My parents didn't want me to be gay, I was teased at school mercilessly when people found out, and my own girlfriend denounced being gay while with me. … All sense of self worth I should have had was completely destroyed. I hated being a girl who liked girls … —detransburnerr.

I distinctly remember a key moment in my 'trans' realisation. I had some 'male' interests growing up - which made me believe I was meant to be male. But subconsciously too, I wasn't happy being a lesbian. Conversion therapy doesn't work, so 'obviously' I can be "normal" as a straight man. —OwlLeft8636, detrans female.

I think your experience is very common. I'm older (in my mid 30s) and never underwent any medical procedures. I hit puberty very early and it took me a while to accept I liked women. Back in my time trans was luckily not a thing, but if I had had the words, I would have totally gone that route. I'm from a small place, out of the English speaking West, with a conservative background, ie homophobic society. … I felt extremely wrong for liking girls so in this logic, I should have been a boy (internalised homophobia or should i say self-conversion therapy to erase homosexuality). —Trendy_Rechauffe, desisted female.

No, because the cure for 'gender dysphoria' clearly was NOT 'transition', from what I've experienced… it's accepting gender non-conformity and/or homosexuality. A lot of my 'dysphoria' could've been managed had I realized that I could just be a GNC lesbian. —Chimeraaaaaas, detrans female.

Men who realised they were gay

Having body hair and just hating myself from the young age at how my body was developing gave me a feeling that i wanted to be girl. Being effeminate and gay (without even realising it) added more to that feeling. Sometimes i would just feel depressed by being built like a man. … It took me being till 26 years of age when I happily accepted my reality as a gay man. —raginghomo987, desisted male.

Hello! I also thought I was transgender … almost transition twice at 35 and recently at 37. Turns out I think ( I'm very cautious about terms and my desires now) I am gender non conforming I do like female clothings, love being around girls. I think one of my main issues was that I refused my liking of men. Since I've (mostly) accepted my attraction for men as a man … the need to transition dropped dramatically. —persistant-mood, questioning own gender identity.

The broader pattern

It seems so many people transition in order to be gay that those who transition because of internalized homophobia and want to be straight get overshadowed. —medoh_exe, desisted female.

I was a committed, stone butch lesbian at one point before I transitioned and then I fell in love with a queer bisexual guy and had to rethink everything about myself. It happens. —L82Desist, detrans female.

What the research shows

A 2021 survey of 100 detransitioners found that 23% cited homophobia or difficulty accepting same-sex attraction as a factor in their original transition (Littman 2021).

A 2023 survey of 78 detransitioners and desisters (people who stopped identifying as trans without having medically transitioned) found that the most common reason for initial trans-identification was confusing mental health issues or trauma reactions for gender dysphoria — but internalised homophobia was also a recurring theme (Littman et al. 2024).

A 2025 Finnish study of nine detransitioners found that patients retrospectively identified "confusion about sexuality" as one of the drivers of their original transition (Kettula et al. 2025).

Limitations

These studies rely on retrospective self-report from self-selected samples. People who detransitioned and later accepted their homosexuality may be more likely to describe internalised homophobia as a factor than those who did not. The research cannot tell us how common this pathway is — only that it exists and is repeatedly described.

Why it matters

Internalised homophobia is not a reason to dismiss someone's gender distress. It is a reason to explore it. If shame about being gay or lesbian is driving the desire to transition, then transition will not resolve that shame — it will bury it.

I transitioned because I never thought I'd be a happy girl — but I got through the root of all that muck, and I have to say, I'm fucking ecstatic. —lez-dykawitz, detrans female.

The question is not whether someone is "really trans." The question is whether the distress is about gender — or about the difficulty of being gay in a world that still punishes it.

Related pages

• Gender exploratory therapy — exploring the causes of gender distress
• Gender dysphoria — what the diagnosis means
• Detransition — why people reverse transitions
• Blanchard's typology — the "homosexual transsexual" (HSTS) concept and its critics
• HSTS — homosexual transsexualism and its relationship to sexuality

References

• Littman (2021). Individuals Treated for Gender Dysphoria with Medical and/or Surgical Transition Who Subsequently Detransitioned: A Survey of 100 Detransitioners. Archives of Sexual Behavior. study page, source.
• Littman, O'Malley, Kerschner & Bailey (2024). Detransition and Desistance Among Previously Trans-Identified Young Adults. Archives of Sexual Behavior. study page, source.
• Kettula et al. (2025). Gender Dysphoria and Detransitioning in Adults: An Analysis of Nine Patients from a Gender Identity Clinic from Finland. Archives of Sexual Behavior. study page, source.