'Pria yang Aku Coba Jadi Bukan Aku': Transisi Gagal Menyelesaikan Trauma Mendasar Pasien

Pria yang saya coba menjadi bukanlah saya

Authors
Roberto D'Angelo
Journal
The International Journal of Psychoanalysis
Year
2020

Summary

This paper describes long-term in-depth talking therapy with 'Josh', a trans man who sought help for severe anxiety after his life fell apart following transition. D'Angelo describes a long stalemate in which hiding, lying and confusion played out between patient and therapist. Looking closely at his own emotional reactions to Josh eventually opened up topics that had been off-limits. The work moved beyond gender to a history of being violated and deeper questions of connection, loneliness and being true to oneself. Marchiano (2021) cites the case as an example of transition used to escape painful feelings. Because it is one case, interpreted by one therapist, with no standard measurements, it raises questions for clinicians but cannot show how often transition leaves distress unresolved. The author is president of the Society for Evidence-Based Gender Medicine (SEGM).

Key findings

  • Makalah ini melaporkan satu pasien dalam terapi bicara mendalam: 'Josh', seorang pria trans yang hidupnya berantakan setelah transisi, dan datang ke terapi dengan kecemasan yang melumpuhkan.
  • Terapi macet dalam waktu lama, karena menyembunyikan, berbohong, dan kebingungan terus berulang antara pasien dan terapis.
  • Kebingungan dan kecemasan terapis sendiri dalam menanggapi Josh akhirnya membantu memunculkan topik-topik yang sebelumnya tertutup.
  • Beranjak dari kebuntuan yang berpusat pada gender, pekerjaan ini sampai pada riwayat dilanggar, serta pertanyaan tentang keterhubungan, kesepian, setia pada diri sendiri, dan kehilangan.
  • Kasus ini ditawarkan untuk menunjukkan bahwa transisi mungkin membiarkan tekanan batin yang lebih dalam tidak tersentuh, dan bahwa terapi eksploratif jangka panjang dapat menjangkaunya. Ini bukan bukti seberapa sering hal ini terjadi.

Abstract

This paper explores the therapeutic process between analyst and Josh, a trans man whose life had fallen apart after transition. Repetitive enactments involving hiding, deceiving and mystification constituted a prolonged therapeutic impasse. The analyst's struggle with these binds and with countertransference confusion and anxiety, ultimately illuminated zones that had remained off-limits for a prolonged period of time. Where the couple had been snared in a bind structured by gender, they were now able to access a history of violation and to ask more profound questions about connection, aloneness, authenticity and loss.

Conclusion

Through a prolonged therapeutic process involving repeated enactments of hiding, deceiving and mystification, and the analyst's struggle with countertransference confusion and anxiety, analyst and patient moved beyond a bind structured by gender. This gave access to a history of violation and allowed them to ask more profound questions about connection, aloneness, authenticity and loss (summary of the published abstract).